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/u/Aneeq-CopyNinja
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gonna get buried for this but whatever.
i see so many posts about being stuck in a situationship like it's something that happened to them.
"he won't commit." "she keeps me on the hook." "i don't know what they want."
and look — yes, some people are genuinely being strung along by someone manipulative. that's real and it's awful.
but a lot of us? we're choosing the situationship.
not consciously. not happily. but we're choosing it every single day we don't have the direct conversation. every time we decide to "wait and see." every time we tell ourselves "i don't want to pressure them."
here's what that actually is: it's protecting yourself from finding out the real answer.
because if you never ask "what are we," you can never get a "this is nothing."
the situationship isn't being done to you. you're co-creating it. the other person might be conflict-avoidant. but so are you.
i spent a year angry at a guy for not committing to me. then i realized i had never once directly asked him to.
i would drop hints. i would act like a girlfriend and hope he'd mirror it. i would bring it up and then backtrack when he got quiet. i called all of that "giving him space to come around."
it wasn't. it was fear of rejection dressed up as patience.
the moment i actually said — out loud, clearly — "i want a relationship, do you?" everything changed. not in a good way necessarily. but at least in an honest way.
most situationships end the second someone gets clear.
which tells you everything about why they lasted as long as they did.
again — not talking about situations with power imbalances or manipulation. talking about the garden variety "we've been doing this for 8 months and neither of us has said anything" situationship. That one's on both people.
am i wrong? genuinely want to hear the other side
submitted by /u/Aneeq-CopyNinja
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i see so many posts about being stuck in a situationship like it's something that happened to them.
"he won't commit." "she keeps me on the hook." "i don't know what they want."
and look — yes, some people are genuinely being strung along by someone manipulative. that's real and it's awful.
but a lot of us? we're choosing the situationship.
not consciously. not happily. but we're choosing it every single day we don't have the direct conversation. every time we decide to "wait and see." every time we tell ourselves "i don't want to pressure them."
here's what that actually is: it's protecting yourself from finding out the real answer.
because if you never ask "what are we," you can never get a "this is nothing."
the situationship isn't being done to you. you're co-creating it. the other person might be conflict-avoidant. but so are you.
i spent a year angry at a guy for not committing to me. then i realized i had never once directly asked him to.
i would drop hints. i would act like a girlfriend and hope he'd mirror it. i would bring it up and then backtrack when he got quiet. i called all of that "giving him space to come around."
it wasn't. it was fear of rejection dressed up as patience.
the moment i actually said — out loud, clearly — "i want a relationship, do you?" everything changed. not in a good way necessarily. but at least in an honest way.
most situationships end the second someone gets clear.
which tells you everything about why they lasted as long as they did.
again — not talking about situations with power imbalances or manipulation. talking about the garden variety "we've been doing this for 8 months and neither of us has said anything" situationship. That one's on both people.
am i wrong? genuinely want to hear the other side
submitted by /u/Aneeq-CopyNinja
[link] [comments]
Continue reading...